Positive Focus

We have to acknowledge that there are the negatives in life. That is simply fact. There have always been negative things in every one of our lives, and there always will be. That’s the proverbial “rain” that people talk about. The problem with human beings is that we get so caught up in the rain, that we lose our way, and we get lost in the mist, and the gails, and the thunder and lightning, and all of the cars passing by that splash us with the puddles left on the streets that are our lives. I once believed that when lost in the rain, you have to fight your way out. But now, I understand something else. It doesn’t always work, and I haven’t perfected this skill yet, but it has certainly helped me at this point in my life.

My family and I have been put through many trials and tribulations these past few months, and I realized that anger had taken hold of me. Anger leads to hate… hate leads to suffering… suffering leads to the dark side… lol. And that is where I found myself. Lost in the Dark Side, unable to find the light switch to turn the darkness off. Then I realized that the light switch, the light, itself, the positive focus was within me the entire time.

I had a choice. I could focus on all of the bad stuff that was going on around me, or I could seek out important lessons in that bad stuff, and learn from them, turn them into something positive, and focus on that positivity. I know that through mine and Danny’s trials, we have become stronger, and our trust has been reestablished. Through the trials with my children, I have learned that I have to let go and let life happen and trust in my children to make their own choices, and be there for them when and if they need me. Through the trials and tribulations of our home environment, we have battled sickness, injury, emotional pain and scarring, and even through this, we have become stronger.

If I, and I can only speak for myself here, had not been placed exactly here, right now, I would never have regained my true path. I would have been lost forever in that awful darkness. But, because of my situation, I have refound my path of peace and light, and I do not want to stray from it again. And I don’t think I will because it’s all about focus. I choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, while acknowledging that yes, there are negative ones, as well, but I will not dwell upon them. If something is happening, and it is considered negative to me, I will find the positive aspect of it and focus on just that. I can visualize. I can create. We all can, and this is what we all must do. In order to find peace, we must choose to focus on the positive. Just thought I’d share my little thoughts on that.  

On Doing the Right Thing, and Paying For It

I’ve been married to the same person for almost twenty years, and supposedly, his family was my family. Apparently, I’m a tossable comodity for them. As it were, I stood up for a friend of mine, who happens to be the mother of my brother in law’s daughter. They’re not married, and are currently fighting over the baby (which he really has shown little interest in to this point). They were trash talking her, and name calling and all sorts of things, and I simply said to stop and that I had thought better of him than to allow that to happen, and he should have more respect for the mother of his child, and that he should be concerned for his daughter, not trashing the mother.

This, in my opinion, was the right thing to do.

Well, it seems that I have betrayed “THE FAMILY” and have been banished, called a drama queen, my daughter forsaken, as she spoke her mind too. They blocked all of us on facebook, but forgot a few accounts that were still connected, and friends that were still their friends on facebook, and it has come to my attention, that in mine and my daughter’s abscence, they have commenced an attack on me and my daughter. How cowardly, in my opinion. I tried to confront my brother in law, and he told me I was a liar and was feeding private information to the baby’s mother to be used against him in court. This was an outright lie and I have proof that it was not me. I would never do anything like that to anyone. If nothing else, I am honest.

And because I am honest, I pay for it every time. Unfortunately, it seems, since I have taught my children to speak their mind, and to tell the truth, they too have to pay for it now.  Their own blood threw them away. I never had a family, but I hoped they did. I guess, blood isn’t thicker than water.

Looking Over 2010

I made a lot of mistakes in 2010, and those, hopefully, have been good lessons for me for the future. I am now not just a mom and a wife, but also a caretaker, and this has been a strange adjustment for me. Difficult, even. I’m not used to sharing the house with another family member, but, we’re slowly adjusting and getting used to the new situation.

Looking back over the past year,  I have struggled with many things: my own mortality, my health, alcoholism, anger, fear and frustration. I discovered that I hid my emotions in drinking, but, that is something that I fear I will always have to watch myself with. I’m the first to admit that I am no Master of anything. I still have so much to learn, and face, and come to terms with. I have struggled with moving four times in the past year, as well as having my beloved little sister near death, as she waits for her transplant. Unfortunately, a lot of abuse comes from her health issues with the toxicity in her body builds up and she doesn’t know what is going on. In her eyes, I have failed her, but I truly have done my best for her, and I don’t feel bad about any of that. Still, dealing with it at the times… Those were tough.

So, now, I choose not to make any resolutions, but I do want to live a better life. I do want to become a better person. I am reinstituting my Tai Chi practice as well as my ulcer diet to improve my health, and my meditation practices have picked up more as of late.

I wish to go to the Jedi Gathering here in Texas this year, and I would like to present a decent example. lol. But, more importantly, I would like to be a better example for my children. They deserve so much more than they have received in this life, and yes, we’ve always done our best, but sometimes, best isn’t good enough. We can always do better. Anyways, just wanted to get that out there.